On the one hand -
To deal with the disappointment and frustration of where the last ten years has taken me; no job, no income, savings used up, retirement and college provision vanished, debt increased, no remaining goals or dreams, ambition erased, enthusiasm gone, pride in my abilities and capabilities destroyed, no focus, no accomplishments, hardship brought upon my family (financial, physical, emtional), five months of sickness and a major life-changing operation, being tired of being tired of dealing with all of this....
On the other hand -
I have an amazing wife and kids that love me, we have been able to financially survive and not lose our house, we have food to eat, cars to drive, clothes on our backs, enjoy bountiful Christmas and birthday celebrations, I survived my sickness, found a part time job (although that is a two edged sword), have the ablility to still work out, emily and natalie graduated from college, benjamin and maggie are doing well...
The continued back and forth of dwelling upon these issues of life that I deal with each and every day...but the most difficult for me are the lack of my financial stability (ability), the loss of my dreams and goals AND the ever present question to the Lord "why and what am I to do".....
So I struggle on day to day trying to make the best of it...desiring to love my family the best I can while retaining hope in the Lord...some days I do better than others...
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